8 MINDSETS OF A NEWBIE WRITER DEBUNKED.

MINDSET #1

          I have got a million-dollar storyline.....

          Most of the time this is always true, check out the synopsis of my first book titled THE SEPTAVALENT STONE, which by the way has been withdrawn from markets now....

Mrs. Ama never told Andrew that she was a renowned witch or that his uncle was a retired magical salesman who traded contraband dark magical objects. If she had, he would have known that:

1.    Traveling to his uncle's house to stay for a few weeks was a bad idea, and,

2.    Forgetting to search his box before leaving the house in case anything sinister found its way into it was also a bad idea.

            Instead, Andrew has to learn about his uncle the hard way as strange things begin to happen around him. As the medical schools in Africa grow worse academically, Andrew transfers to Norgads University in Ukraine where a group of fellow nephews-and-kids of mystic parentage have mysteriously convened, unaware that he holds, in his box, an ancient relic that belongs to a very powerful being called an elder.

            But just when he thinks he can settle down and finally study, he discovers the stone, and to make matters worse, his cousin, the wild and unpredictable Aloysia, arrives on her father's orders to retrieve it. With a second war threatening to repeat itself between the two families, and the power of the stone causing the school cadavers to arise and attack the students, Andrew and Aloysia must put aside all differences, and team up to solve the mystery behind the stone which leads him to learn lesson number three:

            There are some situations that two enemies cannot pass through together without becoming best friends.

 The Septavalent stone is an epic 80,000-word novel about family rivalry, secrets, campus life and supernatural beings, which will engage both loyal and casual YA readers, with cross-over potential for twenty-something men, (i hope). Andrew's story celebrates a broad multicultural and international appeal.

Yeah I know right, if you're a fantasy junkie in love with all things magic related, you'd love to devour this book with your eyes right. I though so!!!
But here's the thing, yes it's a million dollar storyline (as far as I'm concerned), the reaction I got from a veteran writer when she read the synopsis is clear proof of that, however a good book is not dependent on storyline alone.

          There's delivery, there's dialogue, there's grammar, there's character development, and a couple of other things. That is why most books with good summaries end up with bad reviews. In order not to fall into this mess of a thing, after you have written your first book, have it critiqued by worthy people, if you don't have that, then hire an editor, not just any editor, but someone you can work with, and most importantly someone reputable in the business.

MINDSET #2

          Your family are the worst people to ask for feedback on your book...

          Yes I totally agree with this, you don't expect your mum and dad to tell you that your book, which honestly is a disaster and has no hope of ever getting bought just like that, is not good. They'll be like, and in a distracted manner too, “It's lovely, interesting, you're very talented and bla bla.” But here's a way to trick them into telling you the truth without them even knowing it.

Select your best chapter, probably the first one, and make sure it's really short. Ask them to read it and let them tell you what they think. Also let them know that if they wanted to read the rest they could ask for it.

If after reading the short chapter, and they give you reports telling you how brilliant it is, yet they don't ask you for the rest or something, trust me their pants are on fire because they're lying.

If on the other hand, they go on to ask for the next chapters, you know that at least it is readable but that's not all, you still need an editor.

MINDSET#3

          My book is really good, I'll let it speak for itself instead of spending time publicizing it....

          Well you are definitely a newbie if you're thinking along this line. Really, are you JK Rowling or Stephanie Meyer, are you Stephen King? I did not think so.

It's not just enough to own a blog, you have to network, make friends on line, build a face book fan page, have a twitter account, and tweet sensibly; regularly, but sensibly. Do giveaways, read other people's books and blogs, add a comment or two, say hi, give honest and helpful reviews as you would want them to do yours. Do your research on bloggers, don't go giving your book to bloggers who instead of giving constructive criticism, rip your book to shreds just because he or she wasn't into it.

          NB. Chances are that they'll still get to your book whether you give them or not, but at least you didn't ask them for it.

MINDSET#4

          I've finished the book, I've had it edited and promoted, let me sit back and watch the sales sky rocket.....

          Same advice as mindset number three. There's no such thing as “I've promoted.” You'll be shocked at what a little bit more of promoting will do to the already phenomenal sales of the HARRY POTTER book, because the truth is that not everyone has read your book so the more you promote, the more sales you get if you're lucky. Also don't just stick to one book, you have to keep the thread going. While you promote you should be working on another project because whether you write a good book or not, you will be forgotten in a year or two except you get out another book which is equally as good, or better. So keep writing, and keep promoting because the work never stops which is why I believe that you have to love the art of story writing and all the baggage that comes with it before deciding to be serious about it.

          Neither Harry Potter nor Twilight was made in a day.

MINDSET #5

          I better follow the trend, I'm going to write about vampires now and make a quick buck off it.

          Chances are that by the time you finish writing it, the trend would have been over, then what are you going to do.

          Please guys following popular trend doesn't always work in one's favor. Just write what you love (like me I love all things paranormal and magic related) except you've been given a contract to write otherwise. Who knows you might be the one to set a new trend.

MINDSET#6

          If I follow other writers on twitter and face book, it'll help in getting my book out.

          Take it from me, if you think making a lot of friends with authors on face book and twitter will get them to read your book and refer you to an agent or something, then 90% of the time you're going to be disappointed. Notice I said 90%. There was this author I was fortunate enough to chat with on face book (it was an epic moment for me when she replied my message) she read the book blurb and wondered why I wasn't already represented, then she said she'll refer me to her agent.

          Now should I start getting angry that she hasn't' spoken to me since then, should I assume she was lying and was just too nice that she couldn't ignore me?

          No, here's why?

          She's busy too. She has books to write and has a life and family, so while she's handling that, it might not be convenient for her to pay attention to a newbie self-published author.

          What am I saying? If you really want to make friends on face book, don't limit it to other authors because you'll only get useful information on how to go about your book business, and it's usually from their status updates and stuffs, so that's a good thing. However you should also add book reviewers, normal readers who like your kind of books from the pages they like and all.

          Don't expect anything from it, but hope for the best.

MINDSET#7

          A good cover is all I need to rope them in.

          Then what happens to the book interior. I love reading books which have adobe garamond fonts or something close to that. A good cover goes a long way, but if the formatting and font is not so great, or too stylish, you might lose me as a reader. Just remember that simple is usually enough.

MINDSET#8

          Maybe if I pray and fast, God'll make my book a best-seller.

          Okay maybe I've gone bunkers putting this but it's true. If I could have this mentality, why not a few other people too.

Like I said in a post I did earlier, God is not a magician. Pray and fast all you want but if you don't put in the necessary effort you can to bring forth the best, the only thing God will do is to keep you healthy and keep your hands free from Parkinson's.

All in all what am I trying to say guys.

You can read this post a million times, but you're still going to have one of this mindsets but with time and experience you'll see.

It's not an easy thing to be a writer, self-published or agented. The work only starts after you've written the book then there's all the other things that follow in order to get the book up and ready.

Just put up the hard work and if you're into it, pray. If not, expect the worst and hope for the best. The best usually happens though, my other writer friends are testimonies.

Wake up and run, or Get up and Write

One day a little boy's father asked him one day:
 "What would you like to be when you grow up?"
"I'd like to be the best footballer," replied the little boy.
So the next day, as early as 5 A.M, his dad came into his room and woke him up. When he checked the time he was surprised that his father would wake him up so early.
"Daddy it's just 5 a.m.," he said,
"No my boy. Last night you said you wanted to be the best footballer. If that's going to happen then you've got to learn to wake up early, jog and train everyday. If you do this until you are eighteen, you'll be the best."
Reluctantly, the boy got up from bed and went to jog with his daddy. But that's not the end of the story. He eventually became the best, and when asked how he did, he said, "I owe it to all my dad."
What does this tell you? It's not enough to make a decision for success; you've got to "wake up and run!" You've chosen to be the best; now do it.

For instance, you may have decided to be the best writer in the world; don't just wait for it to happen. Get up and Write now now. Practice writing at every opportunity, and improve your vocabulary. Before long, you'll be the best writer around. This applies to any field of endeavor; once you've made a decision to be the best, train yourself; put your abilities before you and say, "Now I will manage them till I become the best."

Also avoid distractions. You can't spend several hours of your day watching movies for example and expect to be the best in anything serious. Instead of watching the news from sun up to sun down, make up your mind to make the news.
Train yourself; start reading useful materials and invest in your mind. If you want to be the best writer, GET UP AND W|RITE.

For more amazing posts such as these go to www.rhapsodyofrealities.org...

STUPID QUESTIONS AND SARCASTIC REPLIES

I PARTICULARY hate when people are being sarcastic, especially to me, and I hate it more when they enjoy the fact that their sarcastic comments is making the other person it's directed at very angry and related. However, there are some questions, and situations that require sarcasm, below are a list of situations and questions that require the highest aount of sarcasm because they are either to obvious or otherwise to stupid to ask. RWS stands for reasons why the question is stupid.

 

 

1. At a restaurant, when someone asks you the waiter: IS THE RICE AND SHRIMP STEW GOOD?
   Answer: NO it's terrible, it's made from cement and cow dung, in fact we occasionally spit in it.
   RWS: Even if it's bad u don't expect the waiter to tell you it is, she obviously wnts 2 kip the job.

2. At a family get together when you see a very distant uncle or aunt you haven't seen in a while, and she says: Oh my, Jacob, you've grown really big.
Answer:Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.
3. When you announce your wedding, and a friend asks: Is the Woman good?
Answer: NO, she's a lesbian, a whore, a wrestler and a husband beater... i'm in it for the money.
  
4. When you get woken up at midnight with a phone-call, and the caller says: Sorry, where you asleep?
Answer: (After yawning, in ur most sleepy voice, you say:) No, I was doing research whether the Zulu tribes in Africa Marry or not. You must be really stupid to think I was sleeping.
5. When you see a friend with evidently shorter hair and you ask: Hey did you get a hair cut?
Answer: No, it's autumn, plus I have systemic lupus so I am shedding.
6.A friend is closing his eyes and about covering hi head with a blanket and you ask: Are you trying to sleep?
Answer: Of course not, I am practising how to die. 

7.You're in ur office and a colleague comes to see you asking where another colleague is.
Answer: (After looking through your files, under your desk, and inside your pocket, you say: I have no idea and he's not in any of these places I just checked. 
8.You're bleeding, and someone asks: Are you ok?
Answer: (after taking a good incredulous look at the fellow, say: Yes i'm fine i'm just sitting here bleeding cos it's fun..
9. Maybe you've just woken up and you're making breakfast, and ur mother says: Are you up already?
Answer: Of course not mum, I am sleepwalking 

10. When a friend needs a number and is scrolling through your phone and when he gets to the number, he says, “This is the number to Chicken Hut right.”
Answer: No that's Victoria's Secret. 
11. You're in an elevator and someone asks: Is this the elevator to go up Answer: no this is the one to go sideways.
12.When you have your arm in strings and you're using crutches and your friends ask: What's wrong with you?
Answer: (after taking a look at your crutches and stringed arm, say: I have a tooth ache. 
13.  When you're at a bus stop waiting for a bus and someone comes up to you and ask: Are you waiting for a bus.
Answer: No, I am waiting for my flight
14.  When you're about going out in the rain and someone asks: Are you going out in this rain?
Answer: Nope, in the next one. 
15.  When you return from somewhere and your spouse asks: Are you back?
Answer: No, this is just my spirit, my body will be back in a few days. 
Now for all those who r fund of asking this stupid questions, either accidentally or cos you cant help it, come back to this blog again, and you'll see the best retaliation to sarcastic replies
 

DISNEY: The Underlying evil in the Good

Hey people, followers and viewers and everyone in between. So for a while now i've been lacking ideas of blogst to put up, not lacking ideas per say but how to put them down with what limited time I have. So I was looking at my very good friend's blog, and with her permission, I decided to tweek a piece she posted, I hope you enjoy. Here's the link to her blog, TIGERFIREROSE'S BLOG. So here goes something......


Today’s post is all about our disney cartoons and the TRUE lessons they teach our kids (or us).
Oh! On the surface they make it seem like they are teaching them to be valiant!, to follow their hearts, pursue your dream, believe in love but what about the subliminal messages the kids pick up?
I’m sure we’ve all gotten the BBM broadcast message that outlines the other side of those disney cartoons, Snow White living with 7men, Jasmine sneaking out of her house after curfew with a man,blah blah blah… today, I’m gonna bring out the OTHER lessons these kids are taught, and show you how they are common occurrences in every disney cartoon.
 
1.
DISOBEDIENCE
This particular moral lesson (or is it immoral in this case?). Is a constant theme in EVERY disney cartoon. Your parents never know what’s best for you. If they tell you don’t eat the blueberry, if your heart tells you to, disregard your parents and eat it.. E.g
Ariel from little mermaid (I don’t think she ever obeyed one word her father said throughout the cartoon) – she followed the witch who she had been strictly told to never see and whom she knew was her father’s worst enemy
Pocahontas was specifically told NOT to fraternise with the white people.. Well we all know how that story goes.

SELFISHNESS
Kids are taught to focus on their dreams to the exclusion of how their actions affect every other person around them.
Ariel wanted legs at all costs, she traded in her voice for it, Her dad in an attempt to rescue his favorite daughter, traded in his crown for her and got turned into a slug/worm for his efforts.
Pocahontas believed she was in love with the white dude ( I say believed cuz we’ve all seen part 2 and know that the indecisive little twirp ended up with the next hot white man she saw) and was so selfish, the best hunter in their tribe got killed cuz she kept on going to see the white dude and in a bid to protect her, he got shot.


LIES
They are taught that when it comes down to it, your best friend is the person that’ll always cover up for you ergo.. Tell lies on your behalf. So to be a true best friend, you have to learn to be a master liar. A bad best friend snitches on you and looks like the cause of all the bad things happening.
Pocahontas and her best friend… The babe was concerned about her friend’s ways and went to tell her fiance… In a roundabout way they made it look like it was the girl’s fault the dude died. If Pocahontas had just been an obedient little girl, she’d have had more flat faced structured jawed cartoon babies to sing around the campfire.

WITCHCRAFT
Ok this may seem a little odd but they encourage children to have ‘familiars’, believe in ‘fairy godmothers’ and ‘genies’. children are very impressionable and begin to think animals can talk so they start to regularly converse with the animals around them, a dormant spirit looking for a way to enter that vessel seizes this opportunity and voila! Your kid is going for meetings in the night (Some christiany steaze I know)
Ariel had Sebastian and the other Fish, Cinderella had her talking mice, in jungle book the bear and the panther?(I can’t remember) most of these cartoons have animal bff’s that always save the day.
Alladin had the genie to grant him his every wish especially after he set him free.

 




 
5. THE END JUSTIFIES THE MEANS
This simply means as long as you’re happy and in love and you’ve reached your target or married your Prince Charming, it doesn’t matter that I dunno…. might have robbed someone? destroyed someone’s means of livelihood? Started a war?….
Anastasia was on her way to con an old woman out of her money by claiming to be her grand-daughter.. That she was actually her grand daughter justifies her previous conman stunt.

Alladin was a good for nothing roadside thief who got lucky, hit the mother lode and lied that he was a prince. The fact that he saved the kingdom exonerated him of all past wrongdoings and he nabbed himself a princess in the bargain (not bad for a thief).

Ariel(why was this girl even a model cartoon for kids?) Lost her voice, inadvertently lost the whole kingdom to Ursula all because she wanted legs… Scratch that, cuz she wanted to follow MAN and she needed a pair of legs for that… All that was forgotten when the prince declared he loved her too. Her father even gave her the legs…

**Ok this is just a side-note.. That Alladin boy has to be the greatest conman in the history of Disney. He had a genie and only 3wishes, nobody is ever satisfied with 3 wishes but you know you can’t wish for more wishes so what do you do? Alladin (sharp guy that he is) set the genie FREE! A free genie is free 2 grant you as many wishes as He thinks you need plus since he’s the one that set him free, the genie is forever indebted to him, from slavery in a lamp to slavery by gratitude… Now that is the ULTIMATE scam… Alrighty then, as you were.

 
6. FAIRY TALE ENDINGS
They aren’t taught that their actions don’t always end up in fairy tale endings. If you steal, you should get punished for it cause stealing is bad. When you disobey your parents, and you get grounded/punished, you should be remorseful enough to not sneak out to the witch’s house(Yes Ariel I’m talking to you).

They should try to stop making wrong acts seem proper, and the good acts seem like bullying. Even in the new one ‘TANGLED’ (which by the way I’m TOTALLY in love with) the dude was a thief and proud of it. We ended up NOT wanting the thief to get caught… That isn’t right, if someone stole your property no matter how dashing or suave he is, you’d want the person caught!

 

just hate it when my countdowns never get to ten, ten just always seems like the proper countdown number… Oh well!*shrugs* … Feel free to add other ‘Lessons’ disney subliminally teaches kids!!!
Until my brain visits its parallel universe and sees another conspiracy were there might or might not be one…. Sayanora!!!

Also don't forget to visit my facebook fanpage and like, and keep your fingers crossed for the first of August when my book debuts.

Dumbest Tv show characters I would love to meet.

Coming in first place is our beloved Tracy Jordan of THIRTY ROCK one of my best comedy series ever. Why do i think he's stupid, you say? Well for starters what sort of father puts a pack of cigarrette and a jar of mayonaise for his son's lunch, what human sees the bright side of getting diabetes as having to get your legs amputated and fitting in wheels, what idiot sticks all his money on himself and his clothes and wears a very heavy shoe made of Gold in order to protect his assets, who pays people to re-enact a scenario only because they thought it was funny and he wasn't there to witness it, who organizes a party where there is an after party, an after after party, an after after after party, and after after after after party, no other than Tracy Jordan. I love this show and i hope it continues forever.

Coming in second place is our rascal Jena maroney, also in THIRTY ROCK and Tracy Jordan's partner in crime. She's less stupid than Tracy Jordan only because she at times convinces Tracy Jordan to do even stupid things. Why is she stupid? Well who falls inlove and dates a transvestite only because he dresses like her, who uses horses's semen to grow their hair, who thinks dragging out your words and using sign language equals spanish, who goes to an audition with a teenager and thinks she's supposed to play the role the daughter while the teenager, the mother, no other person than Jena Maroney. And she is effortlessly stupid, i love her too, lol.

If he wasn't really annoying, Phil Dunphy of modern Family should be on the top list, my God i cannot start to tell you how annoying this guy can be, and the annoying part of it is that he is kind of the character that completes the series. He has a short attention span, very untidy, what else, he has the stupidest ideas, his wife must really love him.

He has the same looks as JOhnny Bravo and apparently the same brains, it's our beloved Joey of the ended season FRIENDS. He comes in fourth because the season is ended. I don't know who on this plannet that hasn't watched friends, so i won't say much all i can say he's a dumbass and the fictional  girls he goes out and hooks up with are way dumber...

Oh she's one stupid one honestly. It's Phoebe Buffay, ou.r smelly cat star. She does it really effortlessly too, being stupid i mean, she should have been posted along side jena maroney because they are just too funny. I wouldnt mind watching a spin off with two of their characters, it'd be a riot. The only woman i know that beieved her grandmother when she told her her father was Einstein, honestly, the beird and looks did not even ring a bell. And she uses sympathy pain a lot, and she's also a bad actress, a really bad one, couldn't even act a single role Joey got for her in one of the episodes, but that doesn't mean i don't love her.

A friend of mine warned me that she would raise hell if i included Dan Humphrey in my dumb character list but i had to. But this is relatively speaking. Yes we get, you're poor, you don't have the luxury afforded to Chuck, Blaire, and Serena, but you're a good looking dude men, use it. And by the way, who accepts a baby from a known notorious trickster without having a paternity test, and my friend asked me not to put him up, Dan you's a dumb xter.

I think this is the perfect place to end this post. Haley Dunphy of Modern Family, yep, it's like father like daughter this time, and by the way Haley is the one without the classes, I would have said she's only acting her age, but Alex, the younger of the two is way intelligent.


Conclusion: I would have loved to put so many more characters, Phin of Glee, Jeremy Gilbert of Vampire diaries, Liz Lemon and Kenneth of THIRTY ROCK, Ross of friends, and a couple of orders, but i was lying down while typing this so my shoulder hurts. Well, this is the list i could put up, hope you guys could put your own comments and list of people you thought i should have added. Thanks for stopping by, next time i am going to be talking about TV doctors, the sexy, the not so sexy, the intelligent, the rascal and every other thing in between. HAPPY READING.

ONE MORE THING, BE SURE TO CLICK ON THE BOOK COVER IMAGE TO SEE WHERE IT TAKES YOU...

AN IDIOTS POV: Seven criteria for becoming successful and famous.

Okay this is probably going to be the most adult post i am ever going to put out, so allow me the liberty, (clears throat and flexes fingers). Please take the title of this post seriously, it's an idiot's point of view so this post is idiotically correct and there will be proofs.

The criteria to be successful and famous are

1. YOU MUST HAVE HAD A REALLY HOPELESS BACKGROUND: And by hopeless i don't mean you have a house and a car but your swimming in debts. No i mean hopeless, as in you have no house, no job, you live on welfare, even cockroaches run away from you. If you had a mean father and a drunk of a mum, PERFFECTTTTT!!!!. Let's take a look at some examples.

  

MAMA J, for instance though her mum wasn't a drunk, you get the point. She wasn't all that happy with her father, and she was leaving in squalor. Seriously it works. Go on sell off all your stuffs, have them burnt or something, and start from scratch and see what happens. It also makes for great press story, imagine if MAMA J had been writing ever since and decided to do Harry Potter series as her second series or something, it won't have that grand effect, people would be like "Oh well, she was always rich so this is just an added bonus and then she'll get maybe a week or two of press attention, and that's all. Need i talk about Will smith's back ground, Li ka shing's lost his father, Roman Abramovich was an orphan (It gets better) Mama O, aka Oprah was born to an unwed teenager in Mississipi, Richard Desmonds parents were divorced. Notice the trail of hopeless beginnings, if this does not send you a message i have no idea what else will, and its an Idiots point of view. 

2. YOU MUST HAVE BEEN REJECTED AT ONE POINT IN YOUR LIFE:

At least you must have received a rather nasty bout of rejections, the more the better, and in conjuction with my first criterion, it makes for a good back story, and you get to gloat at those that rejected you. Mama J is one solid example, HARRY POTTER was rejected by twelve publishers, then we have Stephanie Meyer to whom an agent went as far as telling that she couldn't write a good story to save her life,  and the greatest of all, Amanda hockings, who was rejected by everybody and decided to do it on her own,and now she is one of the highest selling indie author.

So my dears if you've been doing so good that you have never gotten a rejection, you're doing something very wrong, and chances are that you'll remain mediocre.

3. YOU MUST DO SOMETHING SO ABNORMAL OR DISGUSTING OR SO WEIRD THAT IT SEEMS AS IF IT RELATES TO THE OCCULT..

I just have two words and a picture for you all , Lady

GAGA

4.YOU MUST THINK OF SOMETHING SPONTANEOUSLY AND OUT OF THE BLUES: 

To all those planners, careful people, this is something you have to pay attention to. Look at JK ROWLING, "My train was running late and the idea just came into my head" and Stephanie Meyer, "I had this dream about a boy and a girl," she says exhilaratingly to Ellen Degeneres. "But there was something about the boy, he was glittering, and he was a vampire." There's no better example than this. They both planned nothing, their ideas did not come as a result of months and months of planning, one thought of it and the other dreamed of it there. So all you novelists that plan and write from experience, i am sorry to burst your bubbles, you're doing it all wrong, don't plan, do something spontaneous.

5: IT HELPS IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS CALL YOU A LOSER:

This cannot be overemphasized because why, it gives you the extra torque to push you forward and prove them all wrong. Lets take Mark Zuckerberg for example (DO NOT BOTHER TO COMMENT THAT IT'S A LIE MARK, I'LL SPAM YOU). Throw in a lawsuit which you win hands down, we've got the recipe for a perfect billionaire. So readers if you have friends who give you encouragement and who believe in you, ditch them and go for friends that are users, and ungrateful blithering idiots it works. FYI if you're a girl, get a boyfriend that beats you a lot, but there's a warning to that, you must have some kind of status already, if not RIRI won't have pulled it off with Chris Breezy. It's really not that difficult, try to get at least a thousand friends on facebook anybody accepts anybody's friend request this days, provoke ur boyfriend enough so he gets to beat you to a pulp (ur other girlfriends should hide somewhere with cameras) then post it on you-tube, adding this "all i could do was just watch and pray that it would all stop." 

6. IT HELPS IF YOU DIE IN THE MOST REMARKABLE WAY: Here are some examples.

a)Dying while trying to seperate two lionesses going at each other.

b)Stepping in front of someone just in time to take a bullet for him.

c)Dying for a girlfriend, only for the press to discover she' s been cheating all this while, and is still doing so to heal her post-ur-death depression.

d)Dying for your boyfriend (who's happily married by the way with four kids, and one is graduating high school in a week) and somehow letting the press know about this.

e)Or crashing a plane with the passengers just because you blame yourself for the mishap that happened at your house the other day.

7. YOU MUST HAVE BEEN MOLESTED AT ONE POINT IN YOUR LIFE: This point, the power of molestation, cannot be overemphasized and it's probably the most important. It almost cost me my life. It's a funny story actually i was doing a report on famous people who had been molested or traumatized and i came up with a lot of names. The patterns were similar, abusive dads, drunk mums, wicked brothers, corrupt uncles and aunties. So now, i take a bowl of cereals, walk up to my aunt Clara and show her my report asking her to molest me if she wants me to be popular and famous. Repulsed, she shoves me away but i beg and beg and finally, and with an exasperated sigh, she goes into her secret cupboard under the floorboard and brings out a bottle of Hydrochloric acid she has been saving for her husband, (that is if he ever returns) and threatens to pour it on me if i don't stop. Then she goes ahead to tell my parents who flog me to an inch of my life, and destroy my months of hard work and research. To mention a few people and to add some pictures, we have Mama O aka Oprah, Tyler Perry, Monique, need i mention more.

Maybe if they weren't molested they would not have reached where they are toDAY.

SUMMARY: I might not be making any sense or this is an idiotic post, heck you might say all this info is wrong, but hey I'm an idiot posting on J.O Jones blog, so sit your ass down, read this till the very end, read it one last time, and add another idiotic criterion to becoming rich, and just in case you are in doubt, Google wold's most successful idiot, my name is on the very top of FORBES LIST.

FICTIONAL CHARACTERS I WOULD LOVE TO MEET IN REAL LIFE

Hello, so i think i should take a break from reading for my exams for a while, and blog about something. I was thinking of a few things, looking for something to write about, and then something struck me, i was wondering, what fictional characters i would want to meet, and i came up with a list. and here it goes......

*Calypso: The very one in the Pirates of the Carribean3. i would love to meet her because she is cunning, wicked and very rugged, plus she's the god of the sea, so that counts for something.

 *Magneto in the movie, you have got to love this guy, very realistic villain and smart. I could learn a lot from him i am sure. It's not just about the power he has, but the swag in which he uses it, so cool, check out when he was releasing mystique and juggernaut in Xmen three, the last stand, cool.

*Voldermort: There really is no difference between voldermort and Magneto just that one is more sensible and the other is more deadly apart from that they both have the same superiority complex issues. Call me saddist or whatever but i just think you can learn a lot from both of them, but a note of caution, the addage forgive and forget means nothing to this dude.

Professor Xavier: You see though i'd like to meet him, i am not very impressed with this one. Give a bad guy his powers and see him move mountains with it. i'd like to meet him cos i need to wipe a few people's memories and mine of some incidents that have happened through out my days, lol. He's okay, just okay.

*Dumbledore: Another unimpressive good guy, (i love him, no offense) but i just think good people should take a leaf from bad guys and be swift to action. I would love to meet this guy, learn a few tricks and have a nice long chat with him on his journeys and how he knows so much.

*Optimus Prime: One cos he's so cool, two cos he's so cool, three  cos he's so cooool, and i get to ride in any car i want.

 *Ororo Munroe: I had a hard time figuring if it was halle or Storm i wanted to meet, eventually it was truly storm. There's something about women in uniform that gets me nuts, but throw in some sexiness with mutant powers then i am good to go. She's a bit disappointing though, the norm with good powerful people, like in the xmen last stand movie, the way quick silver dealt with her, i thought she should have fried her ass off with some lightening the first time they met.

*Tony Stark: He's got the swag, he's got the money, the brains, the gadget, what more do you want. Wish he was my friend, it'll say a lot of things about me, lol.

*Cullen family: Bunch of idiots if you ask me. You are vampires for pitssake, live your deaths, have fun. I would like to have a word with them. I like Emmet he's cool, Alice should evolve or something and put her powers to good use. Edward should come work for me, and the rest, bleh.

*Wolfpack: First and foremost you idiots, you made me go and register in a gym only to give up after two days due to the fact that you failed to talk about how difficult and painful it is to achieve distinct abs, yes i blame you guys it should have been incorporated in your scripts. That being said, i think i would like to have wolves for friends, beg them to transform sometimes and take them for walks and have people stare.

These are just a few of the characters i would love to meet, next post would be the type of fictional characters that i would love to take their places. You have seen it all, who wouldn't love to be calypso and control the sea even if it is for one day, or magneto and have the power to bend metal at will, or Voldermort and have people fear  your name, and be extremely intelligent and conscience-less, or Xavier and get everything you want in this life, or storm so you can open the heavens and pour down rain to nations who need it, and make it a bit cooler in Ukraine cos the sun is biting, or be Tony Stark and have all the money in the world plus brains, or Optimus Prime and be invisible, or dumbledore in his eccentric ways. SOME PEOPLE might not want to be wolves but i know i would like to have packs and be fit so i don't mind taking off my shirt during those hot days and having the girls look and let their imaginations run wild, SERIOUSLY half of the work is already done after they've had that look. which character would you like to be, let me read your thoughts.

The one thing i wanted when i was a kid, what did you want.

I don't know why i suddenly thought of this, but i did, and no matter how rubbish it is i want to write it quickly before i realize it is truly rubbish. It's a funny thing actually. We all know of course that when we were kids, we always wanted that one thing, there was always something we obsessed over.

Maybe it was a power ranger costume, new toy guns, a new barbie doll, a box of legos, some colorful trainers we just saw a kid actor wear on T.V, the latest action figures and all, now these are the list of normal things that most kids wanted.

Then we had those obsessions that weren't necessary normal but still understandable. Like some kids wanted glasses just because they thought it made the face look unusual, some wanted casts and slings for their perfectly okay arms just because they some some kid work it in a movie or saw some children sign on it and thought it was cool. Some other kids wanted those inhalers for asthma patients, not that they wanted the asthma (i doubt they knew what asthma was then) but they just loved the way those actors (that's mostly where they picked these things) sucked on it, and thought it was hilarious to press something a get a whiff of whatever it was that was inside there, (now i know it's a Beta adrenomimetic drug)

Well, all these obsessions are, though bizarre, well understandable, but how do you explain a child that was obsessed with a wheel chair from the age of four or so, boy i don't really remember but i know i was damn stupid. I don't remember the movie that made me want it but i just know it involved a woman whose spirit or personality or  something had been removed and placed into another's or something along that line.

I remember i kept bugging my parents for one, and i couldn't understand why they would not get one for me, (even though now i think they were being very lenient seeing as they did not knock some sense into me, and lock me up in my room till the sense set in) they were wheel chairs for crying out loud, i get to sit on them and push myself  around, and i wouldn't have to walk. I know right now you're probably thinking i was a very dumb kid, well you can say that again.

Ten years or so later, as i write this blog, i don't know if you will find this funny, heck you might read this and say something like (will dis  dude get a life, or i just wasted five minutes of my time) but if you're one of those that can in  anyway relate put your comment below, tell me what was your most bizarre obsession when you were a kid, let's see if you can top this.

I am just happy though that my parents didn't decide to create the need for me to use a wheel chair (come to think of it that would have been the fastest way to shut me up) and thank God that i am not using a wheel chair, and will never use one.